I make myself sick. I really do. I am so not a writer. I am just walking around pretending to be a writer. I say I am going to write this book- HAVE BEEN SAYING IT- for 5 years now , and all Ive managed to do it amass a huge pile of letters, a query letter and a proposal. Oh and a few hundred magazine ans newspaper pieces.
I saw in my local paper that a very local man has written a book- some fantasy-Harry-Potter-Lord-of-the-rings type thing. Hes signing book at Hastings. Well, isnt that nice?
Then my very own husbands cousin is an award winning romance author. What have I done? newspaper mostly and a handful of glossy magazines. Whoop dee do!
Sometimes I feel like I sabotage myself. Like Im doing dishes to avoid writing on a subconcious level. Because it always seems like the house is never clean enough to start writing. That doesnt even make sense does it?
I cant even follow my own advice. When asked how to get started writing I always tell people that if you want to be a writer- you have to write. I cant even write. Again, I suck.
Im stuck. I just look at the page and go ...'um...'
I may never get this book published. I am destined to a life of local reporting and occassional features. What happened to my dream of the black and white book jacket with the smart picture of me on the back? I look great in black and white.
Has anyone ever seen that movie The Muse with Sharon Stone? I need one of those.