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Showing posts from May, 2006
My mom has terminal lung cancer. She was diagnosed in January and told she had 18 months. Now today,4 months later, she has had chemo and radiation and suddenly her prognosis is now 30 days. I dont understand it. I sit at her side everyday. Somedays she apologizes to me. She tells me how she could have been a better mother, but that isnt true. Some days she is angry. Angry because I cannot help her and she isnt ready to die. Angry because she smoked for 40 years and knew better every time the match lit. Some days she is happy. Her mother and father passed years ago and she looks forward to a reunion. And some days she is in agony. Pushing the button on the morphine pump until it quits beeping. I sit at her side and cry. Sometimes we laugh hysterically, like mad women. At something she says or does. Sometimes we hold each other tightly and cry. There are days that I wonder if I can go in that room. I feel like if I have to look at her slight, 80 lb frame once more I will begin to