Hiya readers,

I have a few thoughts to dispell this afternoon. If all goes well I will be caught up on Monday morning. You will tune into the RuralWriter Blog Monday morning and read all about how fantasically productive the weekend was.

I have to polish up the Michelle Byrom chapter for my potential agent. Im also writing Chelsea Richardson and Lisajo Chamberlain. I swear.
Im interested to see if Lisa Jo curses me out and tells me to gent bent like she told Michelle that she was.


I had no idea when I began to write about my thoughts on Paul Bernardo that it would cause such a stir. But I have recieved so much feedback I am surprised. Ive had several letters and phone calls about what a monster he is.

I know this guys. Really I do. But the thing is, and I dont know why it is, but I feel that he is not really that person deep inside. If he hadnt of lived the childhood that he did and if he could get someone who is qualified to help him. I feel that he is so sick that something serious has to be wrong. He has a need for therapy and medicine.

If this happens, maybe he will not be the same person but the one he was supposed to be- the one he really is.

I focus most of my work on wo men because I am a woman. I have lived a hard life. I saw some of the most horrific sights that a child can see and when I was a teenager I acted out in massive ways. I've been to jail, Ive done drugs, Ive seen people stabbed and shot. I can honestly say that had I had a different childhood I would have been a different teen and young woman. How could I not have? If that works for me doesnt it work for everyone?


Today sucks. It should not. I should be ecstatic. I got a very encouraging letter from an agent yesterday. Not only did she NOT say "No" but gave me a very firm "Maybe". She asked a few questions about the book and my focus which seems to be the $24,000 question. I thought it was rather self evident but it is not. I get that question a lot.

Anyway, I am unhappy because I found out today that n ot only will the IRS not give me a Earned Income Credit they are taking the rest of my tax rebate for bills my husband owed before we were married. This really sucks because my sons birthday is Friday. Im flat broke. That makes me sad.

Not to mention Im hungry. They dont call us Starving Writers for nothing.

So, Im going to work on this book some more today and drink a lot of water and pretend that Im just on a diet.


I did it! Whew, back in the swing of things. I wrote to Judy and Michelle today.
I had been putting it off because of some health issues that I had. But I dont know if t hey will improve so I did anyway.
Im still so behind. But its a start.

Now I will begin on another newsletter and write to a few mo re I havent in w while. I owe Cheslsea Richards a letter and Lisa Jo Chamberlain. I need to write Adam Frank and Randy Wood as well. I found the address to Paul Bernardo. I want to write him but Im really afraid of him.

Does he get therapy? What are Canadian laws about?


Do you believe in the law of attraction? That whatever you think hard enough about will eventually come to fruition?
I have no clue but I do know that it seems that every time I think hard enough about one of the girls I get a letter.
This week alone I recieved a letter from Judy, Adam Frank and Michelle Byrom.

Adam says that he believes why I havent written is because I am married and he is black. Hm.
Judy and Michelle both write worried.

I havent written to anyne in months. Before Christmas actually. Thats terrible.
I will write them this weekend and then send them all on Monday.

Friday I watched the movie, Karla, about Karla Holmolka and Paul Bernardo.They are the Canadian serial killer couple that raped and killed a multitude of women including Karlas own little sister Tammy.
It was just a mater of time before this story was made into a movie. "Hot" Donna from That 70's Show plays Karla.
I think a friend of hers must have made that movie becuase it makes her out to be an angel of some sort. Its true she was abused but what I dont get is this:

Any abused woman I ever knew met and fell in love with a perfect gentleman. It wasnt until years later that the ass would start to abuse her. It takes a while for the true colors to show, you see. They have to pull you in.
Karla on the other hand states that Paul began to abuse her immedietly. He would beat and torture her in their early days.
So, If you went on a first date with someone and they beat the shit out of you, or stuck a road flare up your ass or attached your nipples to the battery cables- would you be up for that second date?
Not I.
Karlas childhood was, by all accounts, happy and joyfull.
Go figure.
Paul, on the other hand, was a product of an affair raised by a pedofile that made big news in his hometown. Try that on for size.
She pleaded out to 12 years in prison- he got life no parole.
She was released in 2005 but get this-
She could not get parole early because she creeped out all her therapists. So after her full 12 years she gets released and the judge decided that she is still a danger to society and tried to apply restrictions to her parole.
It couldnt legally stick and she was set free. Now going by the name she previously used as an ailas, she recently had a baby in feb 07.

Anyway, the moral of this story is that I want to know Paul. That could be dangerous . He hates women. I dont know much about Canadian law. They dont have the death penalty b ut does he get therapy?

Should I? Do I dare?


I got a new laptop and for some reason I cant always log in here. Something will have to be done though because I end up going weeks without being able to post. Urg.

Cathy Hendersons execution has been put off. Thank God. If anyone can tell me how you execute a mentally ill person with a clear concience please let me know. Until then I believe that killing that woman is wrong.

Antoinette Frank has not written me in months. I wonder two things:
1 is that our last letter was her telling me not to publish a article about her amazing faith in a magazine. She asked me to keep her name out of my work and I havent heard from her since. I have written her once more.
and I also wonder
2 I havent written to her brother Adam since Christmas. I wonder if she is ticked off about that. I hope not. I havent written anyone.

I plan to write Judy today thou. The poor girl has written me twice and I havent written her at all. She is really worried. Michelle Byrom has also written with concern. Ive had some health concerns lately and Ive not wanted to really tell anyone. I get so carried away in those letters. I tell most of my private life as they are telling me theirs. I feel close to them.

Michelle Byrom and her information on Lisa Jo Chamberlain have me very curious. I want to get back to my relationship with Lisa Jo and see how that pans out.

I recenly saw a picture of Beth Markman. I used to write to her a few years ago but she stopped writing to me. I know that she is a con artist of the utmost ranking. She played me for information and then made me out to be some kind of monster. It was an experience. She had me all torn up. I had to consult Sister Kathleen O'Shae for guidance. I was really confused.

The proposal is out to PMA (Peter Miller Agency) and I havent heard a thing. But that isnt the trouble. The trouble is that Ive had a real epiphany in the last week. A woman at the Absolute Write forums replied to a question I had. She gave such a stirring responsse that I could have cried. I sat there after reading it for aout a whole minuete. I read it again and then all of a sudden I could see the book.I could see a full outline. I could see whole chapters. Future sentences were forming and I was frantically opening the nearest notebook. I even see a tentative timeline. Cool.
Heres where the problem comes in. PMA has the old wandering, baseless crappy edition. I also just got a request for the proposal from Praeger Publishing. Should I give them the ready proposal and crappy sample? Or how long will they wait for the revamped, super studdly edition?
Damn it man.

Alyssa Bustamante Update