My dad has a substance abuse problem. He is addicted to narcotics. He eats pills by the handfuls. He'll then fall asleep on the couch with a cigarette. Or he'll try to talk to you and not make a bit of sense. Just blurbs and blobs of odd consonants.

I am usually the one to view this activity because he will not do it around other people in the family. Does this make me an enabler? Probably. I suppose.

When my mother died it left a great big gaping hole in all of our lives. He has steadily gotten worse. He sat in front of me today and said "I'm fixin' to take your brother and make a straight gaited criminal out of him." I shivered. It sent waves of frozen terror through me. I know that he will try.

My brother in question is currently waiting out an undetermined amount of time in our local county jail. Charges all stemming from his own addiction to the very same drugs. Hmmm....

He sat in front of me and told me he was going to live a complete criminal life now that mom is gone because that is who he is. I said that was crazy. He said "I can see inside you Kelly. I can see into the heart of all of kids. I know you for who you are and I already know all that you'll ever accomplish. Just like I know your brother and what he is going to amount to."

Im scared.

I see a version of what happened to some of the death row women about to happen to my brother. He'll have a hard time surviving when he gets out if my father means to do this. Is that what happened to those girls? Some fucked up family member took advantage of he fact that they had nothing and were nothing and needed something. I am really scared.

1 comment:

  1. I understand your worry over members of your family and that you wish you could lead them in different directions.

    But, while you can lead horses to water, you can't make them drink. You can love them without loving their behavior.

    You can do for them what you can to help them with necessities if you feel comfortable doing that and it does not leave you or other family members short. And if it does not add or contribute to any of your father or brother's problems.

    (((((rural writer))))) I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this.


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